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Hey there everyone, you may notice that I am not Wilc0. If you didn't notice... well... perhaps this isn't the 101 course you need. Anyways, Wilc0 is off doing some college stuff, and since I've already graduated college (which should be apparent by the quality of this article), I offered to take over for him for this installment. You may be asking "What's this installment about?" in which case... scroll back up and pay attention. I'm here to teach you about the most important thing regarding not only Halo, but gaming as a whole: EM EL GEE!
Tools of the Trade
Before you can be MLG, you need to ensure you have all the proper materials. The two foundations of gaming are two very popular products among gamers, particularly of the MLG variety: Mountain Dew and Doritos. Before you can play Halo or any other video game, you must ensure you have an adequate stockpile of these resources to maintain your energy level. I personally recommend an absolute minimum of 20 fluid ounces (nearly 600 milliliters for you Metric-Americans) of Mountain Dew an hour. Your average vending machine sized bag of Doritos should last you about half an hour, so be sure two eat two of them per hour. However, savvy gamers will instead elect to purchase large bags of Doritos. Sizes for these can vary, so when in doubt, just shove another handful into your mouth!
But which flavor?
Some of you may be asking "Which flavor gives me the best performance?" For Mountain Dew, this is simple. Look for any bottle labeled "Game Fuel". This lets you know that it is chemically optimized for the gaming environment. While regular Mountain Dew is better suited for watching Netflix on your computer and TV on your couch, it will work in a pinch, particularly when they are partnering with games such as Call of Doodie. As for Doritos, some gamers insist that the "Jacked" variety offers you a slightly higher chance to nail those 360 no-scopes (which we'll get into later), but more testing is still required. So help out by eating every flavor you can get your coated, sticky, multicolored hands on!
What is Red vs. Blue?
Red vs. Blue is a show starring a bunch of middle-aged men who are bad at Halo multiplayer. Instead of shooting each other, they tend to do silly stuff like play with the teleporter, argue about who sits in which seat of the Warthog, and pretend to be ghosts. Below is an image of it.
Can I be MLG yet?
You're almost there! There's two things you must still learn about. Killstreaks and the aforementioned 360 no-scopes. Both are highly vital to being MLG!
Killstreaks are earned in one of two ways. The simplest method of obtaining killstreaks is to go camping. By camping (tent and stool optional) you can make the enemies accidentally come to you when they smell your delicious s'mores. But instead of getting a belly full of s'mores, you give them a belly full of lead.
The second option, which is far more risky, is to grab a power weapon and use it. Be aware that your victims will declare you to be a "noob". However, this is only because they themselves failed at getting the weapon due to not being MLG. Consult the video below to see proper use of a power weapon to obtain a killstreak.
A 360 no-scope is the process of using a sniper rifle in its designed manner. As you may know, sniper rifles generally come equipped with a scope. This scope is installed to trick an enemy who may manage to obtain one. You do not use the scope. Instead you jump in the air (or off an elevated area) and spin in the air 360 degrees. When you finish the spin, the reticle should perfectly line up with your enemy's head, allowing you to simply fire and kill them. If you need an example, there are many montages available on YouTube to view. It would not be fair of me to single out a single example to show as they are all amazing. The best ones tend to have slow motion replays and dubstep music.
Teabagging is an important action you must take after killing an enemy. This allows the enemy player to know that you have indeed killed them, and that they are not taking a nap due to not having enough Mountain Dew. In order to perform a successful teabag, you must both crouch and uncrouch while standing over an enemy's head. Be sure to practice!
420 is an important motto for gamers. At both 4:20 AM and 4:20 PM (16:20 for those of you in military time), you must "take a hit". If you do not possess any marijuana, simply pretend that you do by rolling up a piece of paper and making smoking noises through your headset. No one will know!