Epitaph is like, so last year.

Heretic is awesome. It's purple, pretty, and fun. And there's stickies. Lots of stickies. But you're not here to read about Heretic, are you? I didn't think so.

This blog is about Epitaph! Wait... *checks notes* Scratch that. The room above Epitaph! There's no pretty golden Energy Barriers where players can camp with Shotguns and score big kills, but it's still awesome... and nearly impossible to get a Shotgun Spree Medal and the Pull achievement.

Now, getting back on track, in contrast to Heretic's bright purple-ness, Citadel is composed of muted brown hues. Reminds you of Halo 2 and a certain Halo 3 level, doesn't it? The Forerunner architecture is cool, as well as the pretty blue ambient lights. However, like Construct, there is one huge problem. Are Bungie developers colorblind? I mean, seriously! They did all right on Sandbox, at least. According to the idiots who made Citadel, red is actually yellow.


Yes! There is a blue side, and a red- yellow side. No one likes yellow. It's ugly. But the really infuriating thing is that there are Blue Crates and Forge, and then there are... Red Crates. Red. Not yellow. Red.

Look it up, genius.

Bungie got it right here and here, as well as these guys' creepy eyes. I thought it was Red vs Blue, not Yellow vs Blue. See? Red link. Which means it doesn't exist. And it is also red.

Remember, the blue side of Citadel is fine. There are two Shotguns at each base- sorry, did I say base? It's more like a freakish wide open area devoid of cover thus rendering it impossible to get kills with the Shotguns, which normally, would be acceptable. However, when you're trying to get a 25G achievement, it doesn't help. Especially when there's a Noob Tube with a suspiciously short respawn time in the center of the map!

The incredibly annoying Sniper rifles don't help, either. You're thinking, Oh yes, I almost have a Shotgun Spree! All I need is one more kill- BANG!! You're dead. You know why? You either get sniped, blown up, or foiled by the open spaces. The weird walls don't help you when you're trying to lurk around corners, either.

Just then, when all hope is lost in the ridiculously unbalanced battle (everyone scrambles for the power weapons which are horribly placed), you think I can look out the windows at the pretty desert scenery I saw on Epitaph! But you can't. The windows are very translucent, almost opaque. Translation: you can't see worth sh*t. So, you think, now what? I'll tell you in the summary.

Citadel Pan Cam

Wtf is that?


Citadel is beautiful. It is on the same structure as Epitaph. It contains many of the strongest power weapons. It is unbalanced. Whoever gets the Rocket Launcher first wins. The windows are stupid. Heretic is better. Red is actually yellow.

Oh yes, and one final thing to brighten your day. If you escape via Pan Cam, there's no huge awesome structure like on Epitaph. No. There isn't even an amazing skybox like on Heretic. It's just sand. Endless sand. And a few strange blobs.

Perhaps you'd like the answer to the above question, "Now what?" Here is that answer. Play Heretic.