Rotaretilbo's name is Chris Cobbold.
He is twenty-one-years-old. He lives in Arizona, United States of America. First and foremost, he is insane. While the diagnosis is still pending, theories range from Paranoid Schizophrenia, Type 2 Bipolar Disorder, Asberger Syndrome, Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or some combination of these. Moving on to something completely different, he is a gamer, preferring first person shooter and then real time strategy genres. He also enjoys satire (and can, at times, be heavily sarcastic...he can't help it).
He doesn't watch much TV because the television is so polluted with nonsense, even in the commercials, that the only channel he watches anymore is the Military Channel, and he's usually seen everything they show several times, so there isn't much to watch. He did make an exception when the Discovery Channel played a show called The Colony, which he thoroughly enjoyed. He is a fast reader, but he usually stays inside series that he knows. Thus, he usually tends to read Redwall and Halo books, as well as books written by R.A. Salvatore, with the occasional World War II history book (Tigers in the Mud for the win!) thrown in and maybe some Conservative propaganda to balance the Liberal control of a large portion of the media and school system. Ethnically, he is 1/4 Italian, 1/4 Irish, 1/4 German, 1/8 English, and 1/8 Swedish. He speaks German decently, and dabbles in Russian.
He spends a decent amount of his time on the Internet, and when he isn't on one of the many forums he frequents, he is reading various webcomics. He enjoys humor, so his current list of things actively viewed is as follows
- VG Cats
- Super Effective
- The Adventures of Dr McNinja
- Order of the Stick
- Looking for Group
- Ctrl+Alt+Del Sillies
- Scary Go Round (ended)
- Bad Machinery
- StripTease (ended)
- Nuklear Power's 8-bit Theater (ended)
- Dead Winter
- Virtual Shackles
- Mob Ties
- Concerned (ended)
- Digital Gambit
You may not know this, but Rotaretilbo hates Hitler with an uncommon passion. So much so, that it warrants an extra paragraph in this article.
World War II is a prime example of how charismatic leadership is worthless if the leader is brain dead, and Hitler most certainly was. How a man could take Germany, the most technologically advanced country in Europe at the time with arguably the best trained military, and lose a war to the likes of Russia, Britain, and the United States is just amazing. Hitler's first mistake was to drive out the Jews. Sure, the Jews made a wonderful scapegoat to promote nationalism and his cult of personality, but they also happened to make up a large portion of German and Italian scientists. Our good friend Einstein, who, along with a few colleagues, practically handed t he United States the atomic bomb, was one of many German Jews that fled Germany prior to the war. Just imagine Germany with nuclear weapons during World War II. Now imagine those nuclear payloads attached the the German Vengeance 2 cruise missile. So he drives out the Jews, and then he starts taking land. When he and Stalin invade Poland, France and Britain finally got off their collective appeasing asses and declare war. So Hitler turns the über 1337 Germany war machine on France, and roflstomps them. And he would have practically ended the war then and there if they hadn't taken a 24 hour break at Dunkirk while British troops evacuated. So now Hitler's left Britain as a viable military power, one that he can't hope to invade without first gaining air supremacy. Meanwhile, Hitler decides that Stalin has served his purpose, and turns on him. This makes sense, since one of his goals was to increase Germany's borders to the east to provide more breathing room for a country creeping towards over population. German farmers had already begun traveling to Russia before this, so it wasn't too much of a surprise. Well, except for Stalin, who was toasting Hitler the night Germany turned on him. Believing it was some sort of ultimatum, Stalin frantically pulled his troops back, waiting for Wehrmacht troops to cease their advance and for Hitler to hand out his ultimatum. When the ultimatum never came, Stalin finally ordered the troops to dig in. However, Hitler had made a grave tactical error. For some reason, he had believed he could conquer Russia before winter set in, so he decided not to send his troops with winter gear. Russian Winter bogged down the German war machine. Meanwhile, on the Western Front, we have the Battle of Britain. The first mistake comes on the opening of the operation. Hitler cancels the operation, and the fighters fly home without engaging any enemies, but no one bothers to let the bombers know, and Germany loses a great many bombers to the British Spitfires. So Hitler let's his general take command, and through a war of sheer attrition, the Germans have almost defeated the Royal Air Force. However, Hitler is getting fed up, and orders that, rather than focusing on the air fields and putting an end to any threat in the sky, Luftwaffe bombers should instead start bombing London. This gives the Royal Air Force enough time to get their act together and soon Hitler calls off the attack, any invasion plans indefinitely postponed, giving the Allied powers a base from which to deploy troops. Back on the Eastern Front, Stalin declares that the city that bares his name shall not fall, and Hitler just can't resist the bait. His generals insist that they take Stalingrad, and then head south to secure the isthmus. But this isn't fast enough for Hitler's taste, so he divides his forces and sends half to Stalingrad and half further south. Initially, Russians are completely unable to stop the German divisions, but counterattacks on the flanks, which are guarded by less experienced Italian and Hungarian troops, proves to be decisive in cutting off German forces from their overextended supply lines. Several of Hitler's generals disapprove, and he dismisses them, taking direct control of German forces via radio. Stalin, witnessing how his generals seem to be better at military command than he, relents control of the battle to them. The commanding officer of the German forces in Stalingrad requests multiple times to pull out before they are completely encircled. Hitler will hear nothing of it. Against orders, another unit tries to cut a path to the now encircled troops, but only gets halfway before being bogged down. In the end, Stalingrad is a complete loss, and from then on, German forces are on the retreat from Russia. Meanwhile, in Africa, Hitler has practically cut off supplies going to Erwin Rommel. Rommel manages to nearly defeat British forces, but outnumbered five to one without supplies, air support, or intelligence (by this time, Allied forces had hacked Enigma and knew anything and everything the Germans were saying), Rommel prepares for his last stand against the British. However, Rommel becomes ill and flies back to Germany. The commander put in charge in his stead has a heart attack and dies, and it still takes three days for the Afrika Korps to be overrun by Allied forces. Rommel, now back in Europe, is put in charge of the Atlantic Wall, Germany's first defense against a Western Front invasion from Britain. Rommel inspects each area. At Normandy, while inspecting, he finds out that the troops are low on ammunition. When he asks why, they tell him Hitler has delayed supplies. As they are talking, to Spitfires fly over, strafing the area. Everyone but Rommel drops to the ground. After the planes pass, Rommel nonchalantly comments that they should also get more antiaircraft guns. He informs Hitler that the Allies will attack at Normandy, that while Calais is closer, Normandy is the weak point of the Atlantic Wall. However, Hitler is convinced he knows better, and holds all Panzer divisions at Calais. Rommel leaves to go celebrate his wife's birthday, and the Allies attack at Normandy. However, Hitler is convinced that the invasion is a diversion, and holds the Panzer divisions at Calais for another week and a half before giving them the order to move. By then, Patton has punched through German lines and is circling back. On the Eastern Front, German forces are managing well enough, but the Tiger's parts are too complex and have no similarities to any other tank, and so many of the German's famed tanks are out of commission due to the cold. It soon becomes apparent that the Russians will break through. The SS Panzer division requests they be stationed ten miles behind the lines. From there, they can contain any break in the line with ease. However, Hitler knows best, and puts them only one mile behind the line. When the line breaks, the SS Panzer division is overrun before they can get into their tanks. Hitler's response? He moves all German forces south of the break and tries to counterattack. The attack fails, and a full fledged retreat back to Berlin begins. Meanwhile, the production of the Messerschmidt jet is having difficulties, because Hitler can't decide whether he wants it to be a fighter or a bomber, constantly changing his mind and delaying completion. By the time it is finally ready, the British have copied jet technology and produced their own jet. Meanwhile, Rommel is driving in his car when it is strafed by a Spitfire. Rommel survives, but is hospitalized. While hospitalized, an assassination attempt is made on Hitler, who blames Rommel. Rommel is forced to commit suicide by cyanide capsule under the threat that Hitler will execute his family if he does not. Germany's greatest general is removed from the equation. Seeing both the Western Front and Eastern Front closing in, Hitler invents the Vulksturm, a group of civilians given weapons and sent out into the field with no training. Friendly fire triples as Vulksturm units can't even tell Tiger from Sherman. Of course, on the Western Front, Hitler stopped bothering to train Wehrmacht soldiers as well, and when he realizes that the Western Front is collapsing, desperately tries to shift veterans from the Eastern Front to the Western Front, but by then, it is too late. In a last attempt to save himself, he takes the cowards way out, popping a pill and also shooting himself through the mouth to ensure he dies a quick, painless death. His wife, leading general, leading general's wife, and their five children also all drink poison. Hitler's body is cremated behind his super bunker. Western powers, trying to improve relations with Soviet Russia, allow the Russians to take Berlin, and so begins the Cold War.
Germany and World War I
Many people (usually the ignorant Americans, though there is plenty of ignorance to go around) seem to believe that Germany was not only the aggressor of World War II, which is true, but also the aggressor of World War I. Because of this, he has decided to summarize World War I in a way that might shed some light on the cause for the war, as history classes are apparently failing to do so.
We begin in Austria-Hungaria. More specifically, in the Bosnian reason. Now, we have Archduke Francis Ferdinand. This guy is heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne, and the king is about to die, so he is gearing up for his new policy. The Archduke isn't the most popular Austro-Hungarian politicain because he has a radical idea. He regards the Serbs in the Bosnia area so poorly, that he wants to drop them from the empire because he doesn't want to have to deal with them. In effect, the Archduke wants to free Bosnia from Austria-Hungaria. Ok, so the Archduke heads down to Bosnia to parade about his upcoming promotion, and then maybe announce his new idea. However, before he can, a radical Serbian, Gavrilo Princip shoots him and his wife dead. Austria-Hungaria, not wanting to take on Russia, Serbia's ally, alone, calls the Kaiser of Germany. They ask if, hypothetically speaking of course, Austria-Hungaria went to war with Serbia, would Germany back them up. The Kaiser, not wanting to be disturbed, as he was on vacation, told them yes. Austria-Hungaria then sent Serbia the July Ultimatum, which required Serbia
Serbia agreed to all except to take judicial proceedings against the accessories to the plot of June 28th who are on Serbian territory, with the help and direction of organs delegated by the Austro-Hungarian government. Austria-Hungaria declared war on Serbia on July 28, five days after issuing the ultimatum.
Serbia called on its ally, Russia for aid and support. Russia, who was rather frustrated with having to bail Serbia out again for its lack of self control, decided to help anyway. Russia was, naturally, paranoid, and believed that Austria-Hungaria declaring war on Serbia was somehow proof of a German plan to take over the world. Russia subsequently called France, asked them to advance (defined as to retreat in the direction of the enemy, Russia probably told them Spain was invading from the west) towards Germany. The Kaiser, who was still on vacation, suddenly found two major countries mobilizing on him. When he asked Russia or France, they both said they were mobilizing against Austria-Hungaria, but the Russian advance was too far north, and France didn't even border Austria-Hungaria. Germany decided they had one option; they had to quickly take out France, and then turn their attention on Russia. The Kaiser asked Austria-Hungaria to cover their flank while they attacked France.
Austro Hungaria jumped to disobey orders, and marched on Serbia into well-placed artillery kill zones rather than cover Germany's flank against the advancing Russian army, so Germany was forced to fight a two front was for a short amount of time. Germany, wanting to avoid France's main defense and take advantage of French lack of hindsight by moving through Belgium, like they had several years prior in the Franco-Prussian War. Germany asked Belgium to allow them passage, promising not to conquer any of Belgium on the way. Belgium refused, saying it would violate their neutrality. Several days later, Germany invaded Belgium.
Britain looked at Europe and realized this was war. Britain, not knowing who to side with, chose France because French trade was better than German trade. Britain used Belgium as an excuse to declare war on Germany. Britain would, however, later break several rules of war that are overlooked.
America, being America, saw the bright side of the war. By remaining neutral and bending the rules, America was trading with both sides, and making lots of money. However, trade was slowly leaning towards the Allies because Britain had created the Hunger Blockade, which stopped any food from neutral or central countries from reaching Germany. Britain used its above surface fleet to block ships physically and then confiscate the supplies. Germany decided to fight fire with fire, and soon German U-boats would surface next to supply ships en route to Britain, tell them they had five minutes to abandon ship, and then torpedo them when the five minutes were up. Britain, always one to break the rules, began issuing weapons on supply boats, so that when German subs surfaced to warn them, they could just shoot the relatively thin-hulled ships and cause them to either sink, or remove the ability to submerge. Germany, in response to this breach of naval rules, stopped warning ships of imminent torpedo attacks, reasoning that a torpedo left plenty of time to abandon ship, and the sub could surface after the ship sank and retrieve survivors. However, Germany limited this submarine warfare to ships flying British flags, so Britain broke the rules again. British ships began flying neutral flags, and when German subs surfaced to warn them off, they would sink them. The Germans, angry at the British lack of respect for the rules of sea warfare, declared unrestricted submarine warfare, which stated that any ship that came within a certain distance of Britain would be sunk, no questions asked. America, angry that they could no longer trade with Britain, reprimanded Germany for breaking the rules, but refused to acknowledge British breaches of conduct. Germany ended unrestricted submarine warfare for a short while, but soon the Hunger Blockade began to take its toll. Germany redeclared unrestricted submarine warfare, and again America reprimanded them. However, Germany ignored.
The British luxury ship, the RMS Lusitania, sailed between Britain and America. Germany realized that the ship was ferrying war supplies, and targeted it. Knowing there were probably Americans considering boarding, Germany got a front page article in a popular American newspaper warning Americans that the Lusitania would be sunk, and that there would be casualties. Americans, being Americans, ignored this warning, and were shocked to find out that the Germans went through with it. America was angry, even though the Germans had photographic proof that proved the Lusitania had been smuggling war supplies. American, however, really liked the power of being "neutral", and remained so.
Germany, realizing that America would most likely join the Allies soon, pushed to keep them busy. German ambassador to Mexico proposed that Mexico and Germany ally, mainly for oil reasons, and that if Mexico helped Germany, Germany would return the favor and help Mexico retake some of the land America "bought" from it. America intercepted the letter, and was quick to accuse Germany. Still, they remained neutral.
America entered the war after a string of American merchant ships off the coast of Britain were sunk. The American troops were fresh, and helped turn the tide of the war.In the end, Germany, in order to get the cease fire they wanted, and end the Hunger Blockade, had to accept responsibility for the war. If that was not enough, they had to virtually pay for France and Britain's war machines, because France and Britain both owed America a lot of money. Wilson allowed this, even though it went against his 14 Points plan, because Europe had agreed to the League of Nations, and he wanted that money from France and Britain too. America, and most of Europe went into depression, but Germany's depression was far worse than any others. In Germany, it was cheaper to line the walls of a house than buy wallpaper, or to burn money than to buy firewood. Eventually, the Germans would follow Hitler, which was probably the worse mistake they ever made.
- Chuck Norris (previously known as Erwin Rommel)
- John SPARTAN-117, Dick Cheney (previously known as George S. Patton)
- Ninjas, Samurai, Pirates, Vikings, Lumberjacks, Spartans
- Patton, Romans
- Marines, Navy Seals, other Special Forces
- Army Rangers
- Soldiers, Sailors, Airforce personnel
- Normal People
- Centrist Politicians
- Conservative Politicians
- Liberal Politicians
- Ignorant Masses
- France (the nation, not the nationality)
- Hippy Class B (Hipster)
- Terrorists (a.k.a. Quail)
- Hippie Class A (Beatnik)
War on Rank
It exists. There are some people who will refuse to believe that the UNSC ranking system is based on the United States Navy and Marine Corps ranking systems. He doesn't know why, as 77% of the US ranks are already confirmed UNSC ranks, while 0% of the confirmed UNSC ranks are not US ranks. In fact, 100% of the confirmed UNSC ranks are US ranks. However, some need proof, even to the already confirmed ranks, so he has made a page concerning ranks, which can be found at User:Rotaretilbo/Ranks.
War on Insignia
A bit overdue, but he has now creating a page where we can figure out which insignias are confirmed and which are not yet confirmed, which can be viewed at User:Rotaretilbo/Insignias.
Halo Fan Fiction
Rotaretilbo tries his hardest to stick with canon.
Halo: Trojan Horse
This was Rotaretilbo's first attempt at a fan fiction novel. It is currently 60 pages long (27263 words / 2749 lines). It covers the fall of Eridanus II in 2530. It is slowly being leaked to here.
Halo: Trojan Horse (revised)
Rotaretilbo was not satisfied with the style in which he wrote Halo: Trojan Horse, so he is revising it with a different chapter scheme (chapters are no longer merely a page long). The events remain virtually unchanged.
Halo: Blind Fury
This covers the Battle of Draco III in 2529.
Halo: Desert Blossom
This covers a URF-orchestrated rebellion on the planet of Arizona III in 2498. The UNSC counter-attack was called Operation: SAGUARO and was lead by a small group of SPARTAN-Is that had been training there are the time.
Other Fan Fiction
Darkness in Daylight
As nerdy as this might sound, it is themed around Rotaretilbo's D&D character, a drow (dark elf) fighter/rogue (assassin prestige class) named Janglur Druu'giir. It is basically his story leading up to the game, and perhaps will also cover the events of the game.